New Year’s resolution, “Don’t forget”: streamlining my expectations. I’m not referring to the forgetting that folks (including myself!) blame on age. I’m talking about the forgetting that occurs because of the clutter of chatter life serves up daily, and letting that noise crowd out room for remembering/for reflection – the kind of reflection needed to keep what’s most humane in the forefront of decisions and subsequent behaviors…
It was this past World AIDS Day (Dec 1st) during our early morning service when I first felt a bit of anger welling up – annoyed that I was forgetting far too often – forgetting all those upon whose shoulders this agency stands – and that it took this day and this remembrance service to remember… I wasn’t happy with myself.
Soon thereafter I attended a peer recognition event hosted by our Prevention Department. I had forgotten (speaking of…) the date and was feeling the crunch of the holidays as I left work and hurried to the dinner reception that would include recognition of both Utica and Syracuse peers (Peers being volunteers who share a similar background to those they would be interacting with as they worked with ACR staff on street outreach activities). I figured I would stay only long enough to meet informally with all the peers and offer a few opening remarks. Once there I found myself staying – and ‘that made all the difference’.
After dinner each person introduced themselves, but each peer stood up to share a bit of their story and how they happened to be participating in our peer program. It would be more than an understatement to say that it was a gratifying, humbling, and sobering experience to witness. Person after person shared a journey of poverty, poor choices, struggle, and finally “grace”. Life stories are compelling, and I was riveted. Regardless of the story, each and everyone who spoke, “Thanked God for ACR: saved my life…”
I had forgotten – forgotten what a pivotal and vital resource, AIDS Community Resources can be for so many who so often have so little – how critical our investment and belief in these volunteers is, and just how much heart and soul our staff puts into the lives they touch.
I don’t have a sure-fire solution for my ‘forgetting’ – for how to shut out the clutter of chatter that leaves room for ‘remembering’( short of entering a monastery – a thought that has often crossed my mind…!): it’s part of the 24/7 tech world we inhabit. Regardless I make my New Year’s resolution, and give thanks for the situations that pull me back, and for the so many people, past and present who have blessed my life with their stories: many of you who read these words. Thank you, and Happy New Year!

We’re thinking of changing our name: I kid you not. It wouldn’t be the first time. In 1994 we changed our designation from, The AIDS Task Force of CNY, Inc. to the current, AIDS Community Resources, Inc. – a modification prompted by the short-term implication of, “Task Force’”’: it was apparent by 1994 that more than a task force was called for to address what had become a burgeoning global crisis. There was also a need to express with greater clarity the mission of the agency/how we viewed ourselves – as a resource to both those infected and to the broader community of nine counties we were/are mandated to serve.
So, what’s up now? The immediate prompt has to do with activity at the State level – specifically the Governor’s Medicaid Redesign Team and the impending changes therein wrought. Other forces on the horizon might also be viewed as a call to change – both in strategy as well as in name. Immediately, if all goes according to (State) plan, over the next 9 months, we will begin to provide our intensive Case Management services beyond to just those who are HIV+.
Individuals with more than one chronic disease condition (not necessarily including HIV) will be assigned to us for ‘care management’ services under a new state-wide paradigm, known as, ‘Health Homes’. Details and dates of initiation remain to be hammered out on every level, but the change is coming and we are preparing for it.
As it is, many, if not most of our clients, have one or more chronic conditions besides their HIV, and we have unwittingly become skilled in managing these other disease-states along the way. Furthermore over the past few years prevention interventions have become much more sophisticated, and we have been providing Case Management services through our Prevention Department to many individuals who were/are not necessarily HIV positive, but are seen to be at risk for HIV infection. We do not come at this new model without resources.
Regardless this whole Health Home thing is definitely a ‘big deal’ on multiple levels, and we’re all still trying to wrap our minds around this unexpected State mandated shift. We choose to view this as an opportunity and a logical extension of what we already do. Why not? For one, it’s a first-time service to a lot of folks who could greatly benefit from the expertise we’ve developed over the last 28 years directed towards those living with HIV/AIDS.
Back to the name change: another ‘big deal’, and a step not lightly taken. First and foremost we will always be an agency committed to the health and well being of those living with HIV/AIDS as well as to preventing the spread of HIV and other STDs. Just as in 1994, however, we are looking for any name change to more accurately reflect the scope of our services, or at the very least not to limit how our services are viewed. There is no new name in the wings as yet, although I do find scribbling out possible acronyms… Any ideas? We’re open to them. I kid you not…

A very long process it’s been: I am however, pleased to report that AIDS Community Resources has just received a waiver from the NYS Department of Health to begin a “Syringe Exchange Program” (SEP) in the Syracuse region – a program that will allow us to distribute clean syringes (needles) to those who inject drugs (legal and illegal) in exchange for their used syringes, which we will then safely dispose of.
Decades of studies and statistics around the globe have unequivocally demonstrated that HIV infections (as well as Hepatitis C infections) within injecting drug using populations decrease dramatically with the introduction of syringe exchange programs: if clean needles are available, those who inject will choose to use them. This may seem more than apparent and come as little surprise to you, but not so for many politicians (vs. physicians) who have clamored against such programs with all manner of rants stubbornly refusing to fund them: facts be damned. People who inject drugs have always been perfect targets for political bluster about morality and depravity. The same people who believe giving condoms to teens will cause them to have sex, believe making clean syringes available will create intravenous drug users: I digress…
CNY is the last region of the State to be covered by this vital prevention initiative. I will not bore you with the politics that kept this initiative from being introduced here 17 years ago. Instead I honor the local political/government support we currently receive: from the Mayor, from the County Executive, from the Chief of Police, from the County Commissioner of Health – to name a few. Numerous human service agencies including the United Way (who for years has provided funding for our outreach services to IV drug users) support and celebrate the introduction of this strategic service. Common sense and enlightenment have foot holds within Onondaga County and the City of Syracuse. Credit is due.
I’ve learned a lot about injecting drug users since taking this job. Perhaps, better said, I’ve learned a lot about my own biases against those who inject. I’ve learned about how little I know, and I’ve learned to listen: a work in progress. Our clients who list injection drug use as their route of HIV infection (approx 16% of our nine county caseload) also happen to be our most ‘adherent’ clients: they are diligent in taking their HIV medications (critical when it comes to the drugs’ efficacy). Who would have guessed: clearly against a stereotype. I suspect with the initiation of SEP we as an agency will learn a great deal more about this oft demonized demographic. I look forward to it.
Briefly, our program will be mobile and twofold: 1. a specially equipped van will park in targeted high incidence neighborhoods on a routine basis to exchange needles and 2. ‘peers’ (former and/or current IV users) with backpacks of syringes will, through word of mouth or first-hand experience, walk targeted neighborhoods to engage with lone individuals and/or those in ‘shooting galleries’ to exchange clean syringes for used syringes.
More to share as the program gets going. For now we’re happy to be part of a health initiative long overdue to a population long dismissed.

This gubernatorial signature was, of course, good news, but left me in a state more ‘fatigued’ than pleased. On that same day I was notified that one of our Teen AIDS Task Force (TATF) members had committed suicide. He was a popular long-term participant, well known and well liked; smiling engaged photos of him abound on his Facebook page. Staff who worked with him were inconsolable. As it happens, he had ‘come out’ as gay near the end of the last school year, and quickly found himself the object of the aforementioned harassment.

I’m in no position to tell you that one thing led to the other, but I’m pretty confident the abuse he suffered at school was, at the very least, painful, frightening, isolating, and discouraging.
We are not accustomed to teens in our programs committing suicide. We figure, naively in this case, that if young people are involved in one of our programs they’re pretty much ‘home-safe’ – connected positively with an informed and caring adult educator and with a similarly supportive and informed peer group. The forces working against GLBTQ kids feeling ‘ok’ about themselves however, are far more pervasive and unrelenting.

I can’t get through a drive to the office these days without hearing some ‘Christian’ conservative or Tea Party spokesperson decry the immorality of ‘gay marriage’ or listening to John McCain vow to keep “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” from even being debated on the Senate floor…! “What’s it like for a kid”, I wonder, “as s/he watches the news with his/her parents and/or listens to the radio while being driven to the mall/school – especially a GLBT kid…? What’s it like to know a career in the military is not the cards for you – no matter your patriotism, or in the church, or the Boy Scouts…?! What’s it like when the ‘good news’ is that there are occasional pockets of respite for you in a culture where your worth – your right to be – are routinely and publicly discussed and challenged – in the name of decency – in the name of God – in the name of “unit cohesiveness and military preparedness…?”

Oh yeah, then there is the daily, ‘in your face’/Facebook bullying at school….

That feeling of ‘bill-signing-fatigue’: maybe it was a cover for the deep sadness and tears I know are buried somewhere…? Maybe it was about having to face, again and again, how powerful the forces of intentional ignorance and hate remain…? Maybe it was from a long bout of ‘What if’s’: what if the bill had been signed last year- or 5 years ago…? What if his school had a clearly articulated and strictly enforced anti bullying policy…? What if his school and our community proudly celebrated his self-discovery and ‘diversity’? What if there was never a need for laws to protect kids in school from hate words and actions…?”

My immediate/spontaneous ‘fatigued’ thought of, “Rest in peace”, in the face of such a tormented choice, was only half the prayer worth uttering… and so I add, “May those of us living forfeit a bit of our own comfort until dignity for all students/young people is the norm and not just the law. Amen.”

Prom Chaperones

In one way or another all pictured were associated with our Utica-based outreach and prevention program for gay youth: the “LGBTQ Youth Safety Initiative.” This was the 6th such event we sponsored in the Mohawk Valley for young people who continue to feel unwelcome at their own school proms. It has always struck me as a ‘good news/bad news’ affair.

There is something very painful about kids feeling so good about an event that shouldn’t have to be. ‘Separate’ is never ‘equal’ no matter how you play it – no matter how good a time… and on some level I believe these young people feel the bitterness of this very sweet experience.

The historical ‘separate but equal’ thing America imposed on African Americans up until a few decades ago was never ‘equal’ no matter how many white voices touted the policy. Once civil rights laws were finally in place, there were motels and restaurants in the South that chose to go out of business rather than serve blacks. Here, today, there are schools that cancel proms rather than have to acknowledge a gay homecoming couple, schools that cancel all student clubs in order to insure there will be no ‘Gay/Straight Alliance, schools that don’t allow anti-bullying curriculums because ‘gay bashing’ would

have to be acknowledged and the school doesn’t want to look as though it’s ‘sanctioning

homosexuality’…

The data on the health risks faced by gay teens is more than alarming. They are disproportionately homeless, bullied, victims of physical and sexual violence, chemically addicted, and with a suicide rate 3 times higher than the norm for all teens.

On some level there is far more openness – far more discussion on all issues ‘gay’: another good news/bad news scenarios. When I was growing up there was no discussion other than the rare ‘sin’ and depravity remarks by clergy, law enforcement and a politician or two. There were no TV talking heads or radio bobble heads routinely discussing gay rights (and those against them), gay marriage (and those against it), gay ordination (and those raging against it), etc. Silence was the norm and offered its own kind of pain and confusion.

I wonder though what it’s like for today’s gay youth who are constantly barraged by discussions of the aforementioned issues? What’s it like to see images (on TV, supermarket news stands, computer screens, iPads, and on their phones…!) of young men and women in other countries executed for being gay: ‘lynched’ and stoned..? I don’t care how loudly they are plugged into their iPods, these commentaries and images are inescapable, relentless, and assaulting. Gay kids are the walking wounded whether they realize it or not, and as the data reflects, they pay a steep price.

So, they dance – and we shamelessly encourage it. They dance and dress up and show up at a public venue to pose for brilliantly smiling photos – for a night and for a right that we intend them to have for a life-time of nights. Say, “Cheese”!

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